die young and save yourself
The girls and I had a lot of fun today (aside from the stupid test in Math, that is). I mean, we only had two classes, we got to meet S.'s sister (she's really nice, and a lot like S.), and then after school, S., J., S. and I were at the store goofing around, and S. was leading me around by my jacket and I said, "We only need a leash, a wip and a safeword, and we're good to go," and then we of course cracked up. (I've realized that I make a lot of BDSM jokes.) S. made this comment about a male model on a billboard, how he was sitting with his mouth half-open like he was about to say something, and I said, "Maybe he's waiting for someone to put something in his mouth" and then we cracked up again. It was hilarious.
Also, S. and I were discussing Queer as Folk (again, and you should see J.'s face whenever we bring it up, which is about 20 times an hour), and she asked me why Brian is my favorite character. To quote David, she said, what is it with Brian Kinney? Sure, he's good looking, but so are a lot of guys.
I thought about that for a long while, then I said, "Brian's this primal, virile, predatory guy, and a very masculine one at that. He's not generally tender and compassionate, which is why it's so thrilling when the writing allows us to see the side of Brian that he usually represses. He's aware of his body and comfortable in his own skin even when he finds himself in an uncomfortable spot, and when he walks into a room, he commands attention with the simple lift of an eyebrow. He owns the place. When he leaves, he takes all the oxygen with him. It isn't just about his eyes and lips, despite the eroticism of those, and it's not just about the way he moves, or speaks, or how he makes you weak in the knees when he cocks his head a certain way: it's about being a heartbeat away from the sheer intensity of his next action or reaction, whether it's right or wrong. And you know, all this would be so easy to just blame on the actor, but like with Jensen Ackles, Gale Harold is not the character he plays. I've seen him in interviews and playing other characters, and it's not Gale Harold that makes me love Brian Kinney. As for the attributions I already mentioned, coupled with the fact that he has a great fashion sense, is cold as ice, has a Dorian Gray syndrome, and potrays a lot of features seen in an anti-hero, plus rejecting everything heteronormative, makes it easy to fall for him, if you ask me. And yet...it's not just all this. That's like saying I love Dean Winchester because he wears a leather jacket, drives a '69 black Impala, listens to classic rock, loves the ladies and lives for his little brother. That's just the surface of him, and the things I've mentioned are in some ways just the surface of Brian. Yeah, his energy has a lot to do with it, and physically he's close to perfection, and his attitude is like the love child of James Dean and Ayn Rand, like George said. But...it's so much more than that. It's how he is with Lindsay in the hospital in S1E01, his little-boy voice when he says, "Don't say that, Wendy! We'll never grow up!" and how he came out to his father, and how he looks at Justin at the end of S1E08, and how, despite the amoral front that is so easy to take for granted, he really is the most moral character on the show; and it's how he doesn't care only because he cares too much; it's how he doesn't apologize, doesn't regret, doesn't make excuses. It's because, love him or hate him, he is the character that people always respond to. It's the understated, almost anti-climatic resignation he shows when potraying his feelings and concern for Justin. It's how he lets go of Michael. It's how he doesn't mind giving Justin shit, but he'll be all over your case if you try the same thing. It's how he cries at the end of S1E09 and S1E22. It's the S1E17 ending scene with Justin. It's the way he loves his son. It's the look on his face when Justin says, "It was love to me" and how he kisses him. It's how he is such a drama queen, but he'll deny that with his last breath. It's the way he says, "Just because I fuck guys does not mean I'm part of some community and it doesn't mean I have anything in common with someone else who does." It's the way he's always chewing gum; his tousled bed hair; the way he always sticks his tongue in his cheek. It's how he deliberately forgets Ethan's name and calls him Ian instead. It's how he went from wanting to go out in a blazy of glory to being ready to give up everything for Justin, and it's how he says, "It doesn't matter. It's only time" in S5E13. And still this is just scratching the surface on my love for Brian Kinney."
So, okay, this monologue I didn't say out loud, but I thought it. What I did say was: "If I'm going to explain my love for Brian Kinney, we'll miss Math. And lunch. And History. Some other time."
Also, S. and I were discussing Queer as Folk (again, and you should see J.'s face whenever we bring it up, which is about 20 times an hour), and she asked me why Brian is my favorite character. To quote David, she said, what is it with Brian Kinney? Sure, he's good looking, but so are a lot of guys.
I thought about that for a long while, then I said, "Brian's this primal, virile, predatory guy, and a very masculine one at that. He's not generally tender and compassionate, which is why it's so thrilling when the writing allows us to see the side of Brian that he usually represses. He's aware of his body and comfortable in his own skin even when he finds himself in an uncomfortable spot, and when he walks into a room, he commands attention with the simple lift of an eyebrow. He owns the place. When he leaves, he takes all the oxygen with him. It isn't just about his eyes and lips, despite the eroticism of those, and it's not just about the way he moves, or speaks, or how he makes you weak in the knees when he cocks his head a certain way: it's about being a heartbeat away from the sheer intensity of his next action or reaction, whether it's right or wrong. And you know, all this would be so easy to just blame on the actor, but like with Jensen Ackles, Gale Harold is not the character he plays. I've seen him in interviews and playing other characters, and it's not Gale Harold that makes me love Brian Kinney. As for the attributions I already mentioned, coupled with the fact that he has a great fashion sense, is cold as ice, has a Dorian Gray syndrome, and potrays a lot of features seen in an anti-hero, plus rejecting everything heteronormative, makes it easy to fall for him, if you ask me. And yet...it's not just all this. That's like saying I love Dean Winchester because he wears a leather jacket, drives a '69 black Impala, listens to classic rock, loves the ladies and lives for his little brother. That's just the surface of him, and the things I've mentioned are in some ways just the surface of Brian. Yeah, his energy has a lot to do with it, and physically he's close to perfection, and his attitude is like the love child of James Dean and Ayn Rand, like George said. But...it's so much more than that. It's how he is with Lindsay in the hospital in S1E01, his little-boy voice when he says, "Don't say that, Wendy! We'll never grow up!" and how he came out to his father, and how he looks at Justin at the end of S1E08, and how, despite the amoral front that is so easy to take for granted, he really is the most moral character on the show; and it's how he doesn't care only because he cares too much; it's how he doesn't apologize, doesn't regret, doesn't make excuses. It's because, love him or hate him, he is the character that people always respond to. It's the understated, almost anti-climatic resignation he shows when potraying his feelings and concern for Justin. It's how he lets go of Michael. It's how he doesn't mind giving Justin shit, but he'll be all over your case if you try the same thing. It's how he cries at the end of S1E09 and S1E22. It's the S1E17 ending scene with Justin. It's the way he loves his son. It's the look on his face when Justin says, "It was love to me" and how he kisses him. It's how he is such a drama queen, but he'll deny that with his last breath. It's the way he says, "Just because I fuck guys does not mean I'm part of some community and it doesn't mean I have anything in common with someone else who does." It's the way he's always chewing gum; his tousled bed hair; the way he always sticks his tongue in his cheek. It's how he deliberately forgets Ethan's name and calls him Ian instead. It's how he went from wanting to go out in a blazy of glory to being ready to give up everything for Justin, and it's how he says, "It doesn't matter. It's only time" in S5E13. And still this is just scratching the surface on my love for Brian Kinney."
So, okay, this monologue I didn't say out loud, but I thought it. What I did say was: "If I'm going to explain my love for Brian Kinney, we'll miss Math. And lunch. And History. Some other time."
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