c-words and other things
So. I was going to write something QAF about how the way Brian and Justin communicate, starting with a list of things they don't talk about.
1. Violins, violinists, anything related to those two things, and also a good deal of classical music. (Paganini is, obviously, more than simply off limits: he doesn't exist.)
2. Many words that begin with C. For example, cute. Cuddle. Care. ...Cancer.
3. That thing Brian does where he kisses Michael. There isn't much to say about it, and generally Justin will just roll his eyes, because it's One of Those Things. Utterly pointless to discuss it. Completely with merit as a topic of conversation.
4. And speaking of Cs, that too. Brian doesn't like to Communicate or Converse. His explanation for this is that he's not a dyke. (Neither is Justin, of course, but sometimes he can't stop talking.)
5. Most other things.
I haven't gotten any further than this, but it's a lot of fun. The first point was of course inspired by,
B: And you're never to play violin music in my presense again.
J: I promise.
Generally, I like to pretend that He Who Must Not Be Named (aka Ethan fucking Gold) never happened, but I will admit that it makes for brilliant angst.
The third point is the one I like the most, me being half a B/M shipper and all. (I know, in this fandom you either ship B/J or B/M, but I don't care. I guess I'm not into mono-anything, sexually or otherwise.)
In other news, I'm hooked on this new (11 episodes so far) show, White Collar. Completely, unabashedly hooked. No going back. Neal/Peter is the best thing to happen to TV in a long time. (Even better? The fandom's main pairing is an OT3, Peter/Neal/Elizabeth. I love this show.)
Also, yesterday in English class, I was so bored that I was just sitting there doodling in my notebook. (I swear, I've reached a completely new level of boredom when it comes to that class. It's terrible.) When you teacher is going on about transitive verbs and you have a tendency to let your mind wander, it makes for interesting things to read once you regain focus. I swear I didn't realize what I was writing until I read it. No, seriously. My mind wandered, my pen moved without me realizing it, and this is what I ended up with:
the blue lights of the loft when they first met fading into the orange of latter days, the passing car lights and the neon signs of justin's new york apartment, and the flicker of the fireplace in an off-the-road tudor all meeting and flowing across the canvas of them - pictures of the life they had together, have together, will have one day. each kiss is a promise not to forget, even if time is only time, after all.
How funny is it that I didn't capitalize, but I did use periods, commas, apostrophes, hyphens and dashes? My mind is a strange place. This is also creepy, because I wasn't even thinking about QAF when I let my mind wander. My subconscious is obviously trying to tell me something.
I was going to wax something poetic about how QAF is branded into my soul, but on second thought...
let's go straight to number one
I got the whole Queer as Folk UK on DVD for my birthday. Finally I don't have to rely on YouTube or spam my harddrive with downloads. I prefer QAF US to QAF UK, but since the US version is based on QAF UK, I have to respect the source. And it's not like I don't love it! Cause I do. A lot. It's just...I prefer the US version. It's better acted, better directed, better written, has a better soundtrack, has more character depth, though I will admit that the UK version is somewhat more controversial.
US vs UK:
I love Brian a hell of a lot more than I love Stuart (though I do love Stuart); I love Michael more, though Vince is much more of a sweetheart while Michael is kinda like a whiny little brother; love Justin much more, though I love Nathan a lot too; I don't really like Hazel, but I love Debbie; love Daphne way more than Donna, Emmett a lot more than Alexander, Ted way more than Phil, Vic more so than Bernie, Melanie more than Lisa, Lindsay way more than Romey, Jennifer so much more than Janice; and as for David and Cameron, I hate them equally.
I was going somewhere with this, I know I was...
Right. When I said that the UK version is somewhat more controversial, I meant that in the sense that they changed the ages in QAF US. Brian and Michael are still 29, but Justin is 17 whereas Nathan was 15. Also, Brian was 14 with the gym coach, while Stuart was 12. Still, I think QAF US made up for Justin's age with making him a lot more naïve than Nathan, so you could say that Brian took advantage of Justin more so than Stuart did of Nathan. (And this might just be me, but I'd say that they made up for the age difference in Brian/Stuart's tryst with the gym coach with making Brian a lot more vulnerable than Stuart.)
The biggest difference between QAF US and QAF UK, though, if you ask me, is that the heart and soul of the US version is Brian/Justin (Stuart/Nathan), while Stuart/Vince (Brian/Michael) is what makes QAF UK QAF UK. And how much do I love that? Seriously. Brian/Justin is my OTP, of course, it's untouchable and that's just that, but I have a very soft spot for Brian/Michael (Brian and Michael are way more dysfunctional than Stuart and Vince are, btw) any way I can get them, so to have two shows dedicated to my two OTPs? Is pretty much my definition of heaven.
(Also, RTD? You are such a fucking tease. You promised me a Vince/Stuart/Nathan threesome in S2E02! You did! And then you didn't follow through! Tease, I tell you. I don't have a lot of OT3s, but Vince/Stuart/Nathan is my OT3 for QAF UK, while Michael/Brian/Justin is my OT3 for QAF US. My OT3 in Heroes would be Nathan/Peter/Sylar--or possibly Nathan/Peter/Claire--, while in Oz it's Chris/Toby/Ryan. And--)
If I'm going to compare every scene it would take forever, so I'll only do a few.
S1E01, Brian first sees Justin vs Stuart first sees Nathan:
The moment when Brian catches a glance of Justin is perfect in every possible way. The music (Sandstorm by Darude), the directing, the coloring, the acting, how Brian just freezes, Justin's posture and face as he sees Brian looking then coming towards him, Michael's look as he watches and thinks, "That's when it happened - when he came along." It's much more ambiguous in the US version if it was love or lust at first sight, while in the UK version it was obvious that Stuart just caught a scent of fresh meat. Vince also thought "When he came along - the one-night-stand that wouldn't end" (quoted from memory) which for me again illustrates that Ron Cowen and Daniel Lipman knew from the beginning that they were going to make Brian/Justin the OTP of QAF US.
S1E01, Brian and Justin's first kiss vs Stuart and Nathan's first kiss:
Again, the Brian/Justin first kiss scene is perfect in every possible way (it's one of the best scenes on TV, for me--rates up there with Chris and Toby's first kiss; the truck slamming into the Impala; Nathan flying away with Peter, etc). The music (You Think You're a Man by Full Frontal), the directing (I fucking love how this show is directed), the acting, Brian's "So are you coming or going? Or coming and then going? Or coming and staying?" vs Stuart's "Are we doing this or not?" (quoted from memory). And then (and this is cheating, because it's not the first kiss scene, it's the first-time-they-have-sex scene), Brian's "I want you to always remember this, so that no matter who you're ever with, I'll always be there" vs Stuart rambling while he's high (something about a football team, I think). (Of course, that entire scene was probably the biggest clue for the UK version-watchers-that-started-watching-the US version that QAF US was going to be about Brian/Justin [Stuart/Nathan].)
S1E02, Brian telling Justin exactly what it was and was not, then watching as Justin drives away vs Stuart telling Nathan exactly what it was and was not, then watching as Nathan drives away:
Heartbreaking, but so perfect (again). The music (Sleep by Dandy Warhols--so perfect and so haunting and I can never hear that song without thinking of the look on Brian's face as Justin drives away), the acting, the coloring, Brian leaving a trick alone in his apartment and going out barefoot after Justin, Brian's monologuing and how it establishes his character so brilliantly. And you know what else is so perfect? In the UK version, you get to see Stuart going inside and telling the trick that it wasn't going to happen, while in the US version, you don't need to see that; the look on Brian's face tells you everything you need to know. And while it is possible that Brian fucked the trick, you know that if so, it was on principle, nothing else.
S1E04, Justin blows Brian in Michael's old room vs Stuart jerks Nathan off; Nathan blows Stuart:
How much do I love this scene? So perfect. The music (Straight To...Number One by Touch and Go--it gives the scene such a dreamlike quality), the acting, the coloring (the blue and twilight hues make not only for dreamlike quality that goes with the music, but it also invokes a sense of "us against the world" which feels so appropriate for this couple, then adding to that there's the standard meanings of alienation and wistfulness), the directing (sooo fucking perfect), the acting, Justin's "Waiting for you", the lyrics let's go straight to number one as Justin slides down to his knees, Michael's look as he realizes what Brian and Justin are doing up there. Now, the UK version of this scene is rather different. I like how Nathan stands there looking at those pictures while Stuart is standing behind him and Nathan is panting with all that sexual tension and then Stuart grabs him and turns him around. I do like that. Then there's the wanking and the blowjob. But...comparing these scenes, it doesn't get more obvious how different the characters and the pairings are. (And I'm not even talking about Brian gently holding Justin's head vs Stuart roughly fucking Nathan's mouth.) The Brian/Justin scene is so dreamlike and gentle and just so characteristic, while the Stuart/Nathan scene is raw and awkward and you get the feeling that they're horny and can't keep their hands off each other but it's is strictly physical, their secretive smiles notwithstanding. Also? The Brian/Justin scene was during the night, Stuart/Nathan during broad daylight. Don't know what to make of that, though I'm sure there's plenty of food for thought hidden there somewhere.
And this is just me trying to keep track of my thoughts. (I'll probably edit to make this more coherent at some point.) To sum it up, Queer as Folk UK is great and I love it a lot, but Queer as Folk US owns my heart and soul and is my safe haven.
ETA: Note to self: stay away from TWoP. You know it'll just depress you. They can make you hate anything. They're like the DLPers, without the coolness. Okay? So, they hate on QAF. Are you actually surprised? No? SO WHY DO YOU GO OVER THERE? Jeez, masochistic much? If you want meta, for fuck's sake, head over to LJ.
US vs UK:
I love Brian a hell of a lot more than I love Stuart (though I do love Stuart); I love Michael more, though Vince is much more of a sweetheart while Michael is kinda like a whiny little brother; love Justin much more, though I love Nathan a lot too; I don't really like Hazel, but I love Debbie; love Daphne way more than Donna, Emmett a lot more than Alexander, Ted way more than Phil, Vic more so than Bernie, Melanie more than Lisa, Lindsay way more than Romey, Jennifer so much more than Janice; and as for David and Cameron, I hate them equally.
I was going somewhere with this, I know I was...
Right. When I said that the UK version is somewhat more controversial, I meant that in the sense that they changed the ages in QAF US. Brian and Michael are still 29, but Justin is 17 whereas Nathan was 15. Also, Brian was 14 with the gym coach, while Stuart was 12. Still, I think QAF US made up for Justin's age with making him a lot more naïve than Nathan, so you could say that Brian took advantage of Justin more so than Stuart did of Nathan. (And this might just be me, but I'd say that they made up for the age difference in Brian/Stuart's tryst with the gym coach with making Brian a lot more vulnerable than Stuart.)
The biggest difference between QAF US and QAF UK, though, if you ask me, is that the heart and soul of the US version is Brian/Justin (Stuart/Nathan), while Stuart/Vince (Brian/Michael) is what makes QAF UK QAF UK. And how much do I love that? Seriously. Brian/Justin is my OTP, of course, it's untouchable and that's just that, but I have a very soft spot for Brian/Michael (Brian and Michael are way more dysfunctional than Stuart and Vince are, btw) any way I can get them, so to have two shows dedicated to my two OTPs? Is pretty much my definition of heaven.
(Also, RTD? You are such a fucking tease. You promised me a Vince/Stuart/Nathan threesome in S2E02! You did! And then you didn't follow through! Tease, I tell you. I don't have a lot of OT3s, but Vince/Stuart/Nathan is my OT3 for QAF UK, while Michael/Brian/Justin is my OT3 for QAF US. My OT3 in Heroes would be Nathan/Peter/Sylar--or possibly Nathan/Peter/Claire--, while in Oz it's Chris/Toby/Ryan. And--)
If I'm going to compare every scene it would take forever, so I'll only do a few.
S1E01, Brian first sees Justin vs Stuart first sees Nathan:
The moment when Brian catches a glance of Justin is perfect in every possible way. The music (Sandstorm by Darude), the directing, the coloring, the acting, how Brian just freezes, Justin's posture and face as he sees Brian looking then coming towards him, Michael's look as he watches and thinks, "That's when it happened - when he came along." It's much more ambiguous in the US version if it was love or lust at first sight, while in the UK version it was obvious that Stuart just caught a scent of fresh meat. Vince also thought "When he came along - the one-night-stand that wouldn't end" (quoted from memory) which for me again illustrates that Ron Cowen and Daniel Lipman knew from the beginning that they were going to make Brian/Justin the OTP of QAF US.
S1E01, Brian and Justin's first kiss vs Stuart and Nathan's first kiss:
Again, the Brian/Justin first kiss scene is perfect in every possible way (it's one of the best scenes on TV, for me--rates up there with Chris and Toby's first kiss; the truck slamming into the Impala; Nathan flying away with Peter, etc). The music (You Think You're a Man by Full Frontal), the directing (I fucking love how this show is directed), the acting, Brian's "So are you coming or going? Or coming and then going? Or coming and staying?" vs Stuart's "Are we doing this or not?" (quoted from memory). And then (and this is cheating, because it's not the first kiss scene, it's the first-time-they-have-sex scene), Brian's "I want you to always remember this, so that no matter who you're ever with, I'll always be there" vs Stuart rambling while he's high (something about a football team, I think). (Of course, that entire scene was probably the biggest clue for the UK version-watchers-that-started-watching-the US version that QAF US was going to be about Brian/Justin [Stuart/Nathan].)
S1E02, Brian telling Justin exactly what it was and was not, then watching as Justin drives away vs Stuart telling Nathan exactly what it was and was not, then watching as Nathan drives away:
Heartbreaking, but so perfect (again). The music (Sleep by Dandy Warhols--so perfect and so haunting and I can never hear that song without thinking of the look on Brian's face as Justin drives away), the acting, the coloring, Brian leaving a trick alone in his apartment and going out barefoot after Justin, Brian's monologuing and how it establishes his character so brilliantly. And you know what else is so perfect? In the UK version, you get to see Stuart going inside and telling the trick that it wasn't going to happen, while in the US version, you don't need to see that; the look on Brian's face tells you everything you need to know. And while it is possible that Brian fucked the trick, you know that if so, it was on principle, nothing else.
S1E04, Justin blows Brian in Michael's old room vs Stuart jerks Nathan off; Nathan blows Stuart:
How much do I love this scene? So perfect. The music (Straight To...Number One by Touch and Go--it gives the scene such a dreamlike quality), the acting, the coloring (the blue and twilight hues make not only for dreamlike quality that goes with the music, but it also invokes a sense of "us against the world" which feels so appropriate for this couple, then adding to that there's the standard meanings of alienation and wistfulness), the directing (sooo fucking perfect), the acting, Justin's "Waiting for you", the lyrics let's go straight to number one as Justin slides down to his knees, Michael's look as he realizes what Brian and Justin are doing up there. Now, the UK version of this scene is rather different. I like how Nathan stands there looking at those pictures while Stuart is standing behind him and Nathan is panting with all that sexual tension and then Stuart grabs him and turns him around. I do like that. Then there's the wanking and the blowjob. But...comparing these scenes, it doesn't get more obvious how different the characters and the pairings are. (And I'm not even talking about Brian gently holding Justin's head vs Stuart roughly fucking Nathan's mouth.) The Brian/Justin scene is so dreamlike and gentle and just so characteristic, while the Stuart/Nathan scene is raw and awkward and you get the feeling that they're horny and can't keep their hands off each other but it's is strictly physical, their secretive smiles notwithstanding. Also? The Brian/Justin scene was during the night, Stuart/Nathan during broad daylight. Don't know what to make of that, though I'm sure there's plenty of food for thought hidden there somewhere.
And this is just me trying to keep track of my thoughts. (I'll probably edit to make this more coherent at some point.) To sum it up, Queer as Folk UK is great and I love it a lot, but Queer as Folk US owns my heart and soul and is my safe haven.
ETA: Note to self: stay away from TWoP. You know it'll just depress you. They can make you hate anything. They're like the DLPers, without the coolness. Okay? So, they hate on QAF. Are you actually surprised? No? SO WHY DO YOU GO OVER THERE? Jeez, masochistic much? If you want meta, for fuck's sake, head over to LJ.
die young and save yourself
The girls and I had a lot of fun today (aside from the stupid test in Math, that is). I mean, we only had two classes, we got to meet S.'s sister (she's really nice, and a lot like S.), and then after school, S., J., S. and I were at the store goofing around, and S. was leading me around by my jacket and I said, "We only need a leash, a wip and a safeword, and we're good to go," and then we of course cracked up. (I've realized that I make a lot of BDSM jokes.) S. made this comment about a male model on a billboard, how he was sitting with his mouth half-open like he was about to say something, and I said, "Maybe he's waiting for someone to put something in his mouth" and then we cracked up again. It was hilarious.
Also, S. and I were discussing Queer as Folk (again, and you should see J.'s face whenever we bring it up, which is about 20 times an hour), and she asked me why Brian is my favorite character. To quote David, she said, what is it with Brian Kinney? Sure, he's good looking, but so are a lot of guys.
I thought about that for a long while, then I said, "Brian's this primal, virile, predatory guy, and a very masculine one at that. He's not generally tender and compassionate, which is why it's so thrilling when the writing allows us to see the side of Brian that he usually represses. He's aware of his body and comfortable in his own skin even when he finds himself in an uncomfortable spot, and when he walks into a room, he commands attention with the simple lift of an eyebrow. He owns the place. When he leaves, he takes all the oxygen with him. It isn't just about his eyes and lips, despite the eroticism of those, and it's not just about the way he moves, or speaks, or how he makes you weak in the knees when he cocks his head a certain way: it's about being a heartbeat away from the sheer intensity of his next action or reaction, whether it's right or wrong. And you know, all this would be so easy to just blame on the actor, but like with Jensen Ackles, Gale Harold is not the character he plays. I've seen him in interviews and playing other characters, and it's not Gale Harold that makes me love Brian Kinney. As for the attributions I already mentioned, coupled with the fact that he has a great fashion sense, is cold as ice, has a Dorian Gray syndrome, and potrays a lot of features seen in an anti-hero, plus rejecting everything heteronormative, makes it easy to fall for him, if you ask me. And yet...it's not just all this. That's like saying I love Dean Winchester because he wears a leather jacket, drives a '69 black Impala, listens to classic rock, loves the ladies and lives for his little brother. That's just the surface of him, and the things I've mentioned are in some ways just the surface of Brian. Yeah, his energy has a lot to do with it, and physically he's close to perfection, and his attitude is like the love child of James Dean and Ayn Rand, like George said. But...it's so much more than that. It's how he is with Lindsay in the hospital in S1E01, his little-boy voice when he says, "Don't say that, Wendy! We'll never grow up!" and how he came out to his father, and how he looks at Justin at the end of S1E08, and how, despite the amoral front that is so easy to take for granted, he really is the most moral character on the show; and it's how he doesn't care only because he cares too much; it's how he doesn't apologize, doesn't regret, doesn't make excuses. It's because, love him or hate him, he is the character that people always respond to. It's the understated, almost anti-climatic resignation he shows when potraying his feelings and concern for Justin. It's how he lets go of Michael. It's how he doesn't mind giving Justin shit, but he'll be all over your case if you try the same thing. It's how he cries at the end of S1E09 and S1E22. It's the S1E17 ending scene with Justin. It's the way he loves his son. It's the look on his face when Justin says, "It was love to me" and how he kisses him. It's how he is such a drama queen, but he'll deny that with his last breath. It's the way he says, "Just because I fuck guys does not mean I'm part of some community and it doesn't mean I have anything in common with someone else who does." It's the way he's always chewing gum; his tousled bed hair; the way he always sticks his tongue in his cheek. It's how he deliberately forgets Ethan's name and calls him Ian instead. It's how he went from wanting to go out in a blazy of glory to being ready to give up everything for Justin, and it's how he says, "It doesn't matter. It's only time" in S5E13. And still this is just scratching the surface on my love for Brian Kinney."
So, okay, this monologue I didn't say out loud, but I thought it. What I did say was: "If I'm going to explain my love for Brian Kinney, we'll miss Math. And lunch. And History. Some other time."
Also, S. and I were discussing Queer as Folk (again, and you should see J.'s face whenever we bring it up, which is about 20 times an hour), and she asked me why Brian is my favorite character. To quote David, she said, what is it with Brian Kinney? Sure, he's good looking, but so are a lot of guys.
I thought about that for a long while, then I said, "Brian's this primal, virile, predatory guy, and a very masculine one at that. He's not generally tender and compassionate, which is why it's so thrilling when the writing allows us to see the side of Brian that he usually represses. He's aware of his body and comfortable in his own skin even when he finds himself in an uncomfortable spot, and when he walks into a room, he commands attention with the simple lift of an eyebrow. He owns the place. When he leaves, he takes all the oxygen with him. It isn't just about his eyes and lips, despite the eroticism of those, and it's not just about the way he moves, or speaks, or how he makes you weak in the knees when he cocks his head a certain way: it's about being a heartbeat away from the sheer intensity of his next action or reaction, whether it's right or wrong. And you know, all this would be so easy to just blame on the actor, but like with Jensen Ackles, Gale Harold is not the character he plays. I've seen him in interviews and playing other characters, and it's not Gale Harold that makes me love Brian Kinney. As for the attributions I already mentioned, coupled with the fact that he has a great fashion sense, is cold as ice, has a Dorian Gray syndrome, and potrays a lot of features seen in an anti-hero, plus rejecting everything heteronormative, makes it easy to fall for him, if you ask me. And yet...it's not just all this. That's like saying I love Dean Winchester because he wears a leather jacket, drives a '69 black Impala, listens to classic rock, loves the ladies and lives for his little brother. That's just the surface of him, and the things I've mentioned are in some ways just the surface of Brian. Yeah, his energy has a lot to do with it, and physically he's close to perfection, and his attitude is like the love child of James Dean and Ayn Rand, like George said. But...it's so much more than that. It's how he is with Lindsay in the hospital in S1E01, his little-boy voice when he says, "Don't say that, Wendy! We'll never grow up!" and how he came out to his father, and how he looks at Justin at the end of S1E08, and how, despite the amoral front that is so easy to take for granted, he really is the most moral character on the show; and it's how he doesn't care only because he cares too much; it's how he doesn't apologize, doesn't regret, doesn't make excuses. It's because, love him or hate him, he is the character that people always respond to. It's the understated, almost anti-climatic resignation he shows when potraying his feelings and concern for Justin. It's how he lets go of Michael. It's how he doesn't mind giving Justin shit, but he'll be all over your case if you try the same thing. It's how he cries at the end of S1E09 and S1E22. It's the S1E17 ending scene with Justin. It's the way he loves his son. It's the look on his face when Justin says, "It was love to me" and how he kisses him. It's how he is such a drama queen, but he'll deny that with his last breath. It's the way he says, "Just because I fuck guys does not mean I'm part of some community and it doesn't mean I have anything in common with someone else who does." It's the way he's always chewing gum; his tousled bed hair; the way he always sticks his tongue in his cheek. It's how he deliberately forgets Ethan's name and calls him Ian instead. It's how he went from wanting to go out in a blazy of glory to being ready to give up everything for Justin, and it's how he says, "It doesn't matter. It's only time" in S5E13. And still this is just scratching the surface on my love for Brian Kinney."
So, okay, this monologue I didn't say out loud, but I thought it. What I did say was: "If I'm going to explain my love for Brian Kinney, we'll miss Math. And lunch. And History. Some other time."
