melancholia

So. Today in class, S. and I were watching Queer as Folk and Oz vids on YouTube. Both are very graphic shows (come on, it's Showtime and HBO, what did you expect), and we were, you know, fangirling over Brian/Justin and Chris/Toby maybe just a bit loudly, and then suddenly our teacher was right behind us, and we didn't close down the tab in time, and the vid had just stopped on a (very graphic) sex scene between Brian and Justin. The look on her face, oh man, I was so fucking close to bursting out laughing (though it's a wonder we weren't banned from using the computers).

Seriously, though. I need a t-shirt that says "Fangirl: has been known to squee without warning - approach with caution" and maybe one that says "Yes, I'm one of those crazy fans they warned you about". I did actually find out that says "What would Brian Kinney do?" and I need it so bad. Like, really. No idea if they ship overseas, though.

Good news: my shows aren't depressing me anymore. I stayed away from TWoP, I read squee-inducing meta, squee-inducing fics, watched squee-inducing vids, and I focused on the positive things. (Yeah, I know, fucking miracle of the ages.) I can't do anything about the Smallville depression, because Smallville has been ruined beyond repair for a long, long time. As for Oz, all I needed to do was ignore Gloria and her storyline and focus on all the lovely plots and characters and slashy goodness. I'm ignoring Supernatural at the moment; all I do is watch cracky vids. Heroes, now, on the other hand...I'm sorry, Kring, but I'm gone. You lost me. I'll read short recaps, I'll live off of scraps of slash, but this show has almost reached Smallville level. Thank you for the very nice goodbye present, though:

Seriously, who takes photos of their brothers like this? (The flail-incuding, slashy, 'cesty, made-of-love ones, that's who. *loves*) And...is it just me or does Nathan look naked? *squees*

Still, while slashing things provides me with a happy distraction, the need for distraction is caused by the near total absence of canon gay couples.

How about an example that makes me rage:

I remember when Troy first came out. At the time, I was 11 years old and heavily involved with Ricean vampires, so I didn't much care. Later on, I remember explaining why I hated the movie: the bowdlerisation of the relationship between Achilles and Patroclus pissed me the fuck off. "Well, you can read between the lines!" a friend said. Yeah, I said, I could, but I shouldn't have to. Especially when I'm watching a movie about two characters who were THE paradigm of faithful lovers in Ancient Greek culture. There's even a passage in Plato's Symposium where Phaedrus makes an argument about which one of them was the erastes and which one the eromenos: probably the world's first recorded "who tops?" debate. Likewise, when Alexander the Great and his alleged lover Hephaestion passed through the city of Troy on their Asian campaign, Alexander honored the sacred tomb of Achilles and Patroclus in front of the entire army, and this was taken as a clear declaration of their own love (Aelian wrote that Hephaestion was a beloved of Alexander "in just the same way Patroclus was of Achilles"). (Fun fact: Diogenes of Sinope, in a letter written to Alexander, accuses Alexander of being "...ruled by Hephaestion's thighs.")

Anyway. I think I lost where I was going with this. Basically, we need more canon gay. I adore subtext, I live on subtext, but sooner or later us fangirls we'll starve to death if something revolutionary doesn't happen.

Now I'm off watching Angel and hating Whedon for killing off Doyle (the subtext was so evolving into text: "Okay, maybe I'm a little attracted" anyone? Why did he have to die? D:).

Oh man. I so didn't mean for this to happen. Why did it have to? Stupid beautiful, dysfunctional, codependent brothers who can give me everything the Winchesters can't. Peter/Nathan (in a slashy sense or not) from Heroes have taken a hold of me and it won't let go. I've been asking around and fans tell me that Peter/Nathan (in a slashy sense) is the one thing TPTB and the comic artists will agree on (I think my favorite part in the latest comic was Peter confessing that he enjoyed having Nathan sleeping on top of him) and they tell me that the Petrellis are dysfunctional in a different way from the Winchesters in the sense that they are not ruled by circumstance, they are codependent because they choose to be. And they urge me to compare Nathan's relationship with his wife with his relationship with his brother and Peter's inability to form lasting relationships outside of with his brother and-

How can I say no?

Damn it. You know, I went into Supernatural and the Winchesters expecting beautiful, dysfunctional, angsty, codependent brothers to take me by storm and I expected Sam/Dean to be my OTP. And what happened? Well, first of all I started loving the characters for themselves. Second, they are dysfunctional and codependent in ways that make even me uncomfortable, in ways that's not entirely consensual. And...I love the Winchesters, god knows I do, but season five is disappointing me so much and the brothers' relationship is broken beyond repair and I just need a pair of brothers that do not hesitate to show affection in the slightest (the number of times Peter and Nathan have said they love each other is insane) and that are dysfunctional in a good way and. Yeah.

Anyway. It's not like I'm abandoning Supernatural. I'm not. I watched the season one finale twice yesterday and I remembered how much I love this show and this episode in particular. (Plus, Dean and Azazel!John in the cabin is one of the slashiest things I've ever seen.)

But enough with the excuses. If I wanna get into Heroes, I will, sooner or later. Judging by my history, It's likely to happen sooner rather than later.