all hope abandon, ye who enter in
marine: Oh, like Satan/Gabriel?
me: personally i prefer lucifer/michael, but whatever floats your boat
marine: But they totally hated each other in canon! It makes no sense! Plus all the fic sucks, it's so OOC. I don't know what Bible these people are reading. Gabriel stands before God. If that's not slashy, I don't know what is. God/Gabriel ftw.
chris: But...but everyone knows it's God/Jesus/Holy Spirit OT3! D:
me: preach it, sister
This, people, is why I love fandom. ♥
i will rise up
Chatting with her made me realize how much I miss Jenny and Seb. We used to have such awesome, hilarious conversations. Of course, Seb and I usually ended up either trying to out-perve each other, or discussing the nihilism that plagues our lives.
In NK earlier today, S., J. and I were writing in each other's notebooks when we should've been researching minerals and stones and shit, and our teacher came up behind us and read aloud what I'd written in J.'s book: "Eric & Godric, Nathan & Peter" etc etc, and then he said, "Det är ju bara pojkar som gillar pojkar" only he didn't say it in a demeaning, or homophobic, or disgusted, or anything way...more like, surprised that we were into that kinda thing? I don't even know. Anyway, he asked if they were our favorites (and I'm suddenly struck with the image of him browsing the web for some good slash to read, omg), and J said that they were my favorites, and I smirked and when he went away I actually headdesked, because omfg that did not just happen. "I think she died," S. said to J., who of course agreed, and I was shaking with badly suppressed laughter. Fuck.
God, I don't even know. These things are just not suppose to happen. Shit.
And some pics, because Eric and Godric are the most beautiful thing to ever grace HBO.
all is full of love
I fucking finally caught up with season 2 of True Blood. I'd been putting it off because there's been so much drama with Supernatural and Heroes and White Collar and did I mention rewatching Queer as Folk and Oz for the hundreth time (11 fucking seasons, people)? Anyway.
Um, so, Eric/Godric kind of broke me. I don't even know what to say just NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO why did Godric have to die. *sobs* That was one of the worst deaths in the history of ever. It destroyed me to see Eric crying and so heartbroken. God I love their relationship and how much Eric loooooves Godric. I love him calling Godric so much more than he is and doing anything for him (including letting him go). I loved the black/white clothing choices and the way Godric showed up so beautifully in white at the top of the church. And I loved how when Eric said he cared about others, Bill said he cared about Godric. Only him, omg.
My biggest problem with this show is they have some amazing characters but they waste them by giving time to stupid and boring plotlines. I mean you present the epic Godric/Eric relationship and then give them barely any screentime? Really, Show? Really? When you have that deep of a relationship and you want to destroy the viewer with a death scene, give them lots of time so the viewer forms a deep connection with the relationship so they fully are broken when you kill one of them off (not that I wasn't fully broken or anything, I'm just saying). I still think Godric's death is a bit...pointless (he could do so much good in the world!) but I do understand it on one level, so okay. I will give them one for not killing Lafayette off but still more of him and moremoremore of Pam and Eric!
(Still, though, I don't buy Godric wanting to die because he wanted to make amends for the harm he'd caused: the whole thing just smacked of escapism. He had wanted to die before that, and he seemed so tired of conflict, externally as between humans and vampires, internally as a struggle against the nature of vampirism. "We don't belong here," Godric says, and Eric responds with, "But we are here." Have I mention that I love this show to pieces?)
Back to the love, I did enjoy Hoyt/Jessica a lot. I love Jessica, she cracks me up and makes Bill/Sookie much more tolerable. And Hoyt is soooo cute. I love his mindset on vampires and just his kindness in general. Also enjoyed the few Pam scenes we did get especially the pumps scene. Really sad about how they treated Lafayette and felt sooo bad for him at his trauma from it. But it did give us some hot Eric/Lafayette scenes (and the funny dance one, heh) so I'll go with it. And I loooooved the Queen omg she is the best. Classic fangirl encouraging the guys to fuck and loving two guys together. I love slasher representation (well, mostly: looking at you, Supernatural!).
Okay back to things I didn't like. It is really starting to bug me that in a show with Vampire Marriages = Gay Marriage, Vampire Hating Church = Gay Hating Church(s), etc that we get tons of het sex scenes and no gay scenes. Everything happens off camera. Even in the orgy scenes there is no gayness (believe me, I checked). It pisses me off. This is HBO, ffs! There was just too much of boring het ships in general (for instance, Sam/Daphne). The Maryanne (Cain!) plot had potential at first but she lost her intrigue fast and became boring evil and swept Tara into a boring plotline of doom and wasted so much time that could have been spent on Godric and Eric and Pam.
In things I do love, Jason was hilarious this season. Oh god so much love. The best was when he split the flag in half and tried to stake whatshername. It did get a bit boring after a while but thank god for the lulz. Also Eric/Sookie is just ewwwww so so so icky and I really hope they don't go in that direction (please, PTB, I'm begging you: don't do it, please oh pleasepleaseplease). Why is everyone in love with her? I don't get it. (Did I mention that she annoys the shit out of me?) And Bill trying to protect her makes me want to vomit (what is this, Twilight?). I really hate the sappy dialogue on this show and will never understand how Alan Ball of Six Feet Under could allow this on a show of his (or Raelle Tucker, for that matter!).
Also, I have finally figured out that part of the reason I love Eric so much is that he reminds me of Brian Kinney. Not just the clothes but he has the same kind of looks where you can see the vulnerability underneath them as well as a similar sexy aura.
In other news, the new White Collar episode was amazing. Neal and Peter's bromance is fucking epic, y'all. Oh, and I started a new QAF vid! It'll probably take me months to finish but I have it pretty much all planned out. I'm also thinking of doing a Eric/Godric one (did I mention that Godric's death broke me into tiny pieces?). Kind of like...Godric's suicide note? I have a song picked out (definitely going with letting the feel of the music instead of the lyrics rule to get the maximum emotional impact) and everything and I know where I'm going to borrow the external sources from, I just need to get started.
this is how it goes
See, the thing is, that as much as Beecher/Keller pwns at everything and is my OTP, Beecher/O'Reily was my first love in Oz. And it's like every. single. time I watch season 1, I am smacked in the head all over again by how there is no practical purpose to O'Reily deciding Schillinger's prag is his new BFF. I realize O'Reily must have been bored at some points, and he's probably used to having someone around all the time, like Cyril, but dude, Schillinger's prag? Surely there are more appropriate people to cut from the herd and target as your new bosom buddy. That can't be good for your rep. I. Just. There's no good reason. Other than O'Reily being something of a bottomless pit of need. Not as bottomless as either Beecher or Keller, maybe...okay, that's not true. He may, in fact, be just as bad.
And this is the thing--I sometimes wonder how well Keller ever really knew Beecher. Keller's area of expertise, I think, was Schillinger, and I think Keller did underestimate Beecher. And Beecher kept underestimating Schillinger...or maybe was too crazy for revenge against to think about rationally. But I think that Keller was just so, so far out of his depth when it came to Beecher, and...I was going to say he didn't even realize it, but I think he did, at least at some points. And it's the points when he realized it that he became dangerous.
So basically, what I'm saying is that I think Keller underestimated Beecher, and Beecher, in some respects overestimated Keller. I think they got caught in the weaker/stronger mentality, and both liked that about the other. They never really got to know each other. And, to be perfectly honest, I don't think they wanted too. The comfort that they took from each other was enough...except when a third party was involved, that's when it all went to shit. They didn't know enough to trust.
But really, Schillinger is the backbone of Beecher/Keller. Without him, I don't think there would've been a Beecher/Keller (which I'm sure he'd just love to hear, heh).
Anyway, the reason for this ramble is that I...typed a little something up. Because I was bored. And I guess I'm just trying to justify my saying that Beecher/Keller would possibly never have happened without O'Reily. Um...
Tobias Beecher wants things that are bad for him. Always has, maybe always will.
Booze. Smack. The love of a bad man.
He knows Ryan O'Reily, knows him better than most people, better than Ryan probably realizes, better than Ryan will ever admit. He can see Chris in Ryan, can hear him. If he closes his eyes, he can almost sense him. I did what I did out of love, Chris says, just like it was yesterday, ghosting ephemeral fingers over the back of Beecher's neck, and Beecher remembers the way Ryan watched Dr. Nathan. He can see Chris in Ryan, how alike they are, and it's one of the things that scares him, one of the things that makes him wonder what drew him to Chris in the first place.
Whatever else there was between them, Beecher knows Chris loved him. And he loved Chris. He knows it, he knows it, something primal, no way to stand against it, no way to avoid that pulse in blood and bone and heartbeat, no way to avoid being swept up in it, at least a little bit. That was the difference from what he had with Genevieve--with her it was something slow, something elemental, a bedrock, something they both grew into, day by day, something wholly different from the feeling of being swept off his feet, the feeling he always gets from booze, from smack, from the love of a bad man.
The feeling he gets from Ryan.
Yeah, I don't know either. And yeah, I romanticized it a little, so sue me. (And how I have this urge to rewatch the laundry scene--not the Beecher/Keller kiss, much as I adore it--where Keller and O'Reily are folding shirts or whatever and Beecher turns to them and Keller is like, "What?" because dude, Beecher has not been very nice to him, and O'Reily is just watching Beecher, and oh, I get Toby on one side facing my two favorite sociopaths and now I want to write like a huge OT3 fic. Damn you, Fontana!)
Another thing hit me over the head the other day as I was rewatching season 6 (yes, I am a masochist): ...what the hell? The main Troika consists of one homosexual relationship that is ultimately destructive, one homosexual relationship that is symbolic of despair, and one heterosexual relationship that leads its participants to greater understanding, love and redemption. The heterosexual relationship, might I reiterate, is shown as an ultimately good influence despite the fact that you have to fuck over good characterization and decent plot development to do so.
The hell?
Do I think Fontana did this on purpose or is trying to make some sort of statement? I...don't think so. What I think I believe is that he made the same damn dumb mistake that Joss made when he suddenly, midstream, switched the magic=lesbianism metaphor to magic=(evil)addiction metaphor, without seeming to think through the fact that if A=B and A=C, it's quite possible that the idea that B=C could subtley influence the way people see his message, even if he didn't intend to be homophobic.
Ugh, I dunno. This just popped into my head and I felt like I needed to write it down to thrash it out.
(<--- I ship O'Reily/Adebisi. Guilty. They are such flirting teenagers, I swear to God. And Adebisi kissed him in 1.08! He did. When O'Reily turned Alvarez down. I miss Adebisi. Which, again, wtf self?)
i'll take your hamfisted psychological analysis and raise you one freud
"The only thing that's real is us."
--Sylar to Peter, season 4, episode 18, "The Wall"
Sylar and Peter, the only people in Sylar's world. Together. Alone. For 9 years. 9 years. Sylar gropes Peter, worries about him being lonely, brings him comic books, tries to get him to eat, helps Peter work out his grief over Nathan after Peter gives Sylar a birthday present. Peter forgives Sylar for killing Nathan. Then they break down the wall together. (Breaking down walls together? Kring, you just don't know how to do subtle metaphors, do you?)
You think that's all? No, there's more: a glimmer of Nathan, still there, in Sylar's mind. OH MY NATHAN, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. AND YOU'RE STILL THERE!
Oh Heroes, how I wish I could quit you. ♥
c-words and other things
So. I was going to write something QAF about how the way Brian and Justin communicate, starting with a list of things they don't talk about.
1. Violins, violinists, anything related to those two things, and also a good deal of classical music. (Paganini is, obviously, more than simply off limits: he doesn't exist.)
2. Many words that begin with C. For example, cute. Cuddle. Care. ...Cancer.
3. That thing Brian does where he kisses Michael. There isn't much to say about it, and generally Justin will just roll his eyes, because it's One of Those Things. Utterly pointless to discuss it. Completely with merit as a topic of conversation.
4. And speaking of Cs, that too. Brian doesn't like to Communicate or Converse. His explanation for this is that he's not a dyke. (Neither is Justin, of course, but sometimes he can't stop talking.)
5. Most other things.
I haven't gotten any further than this, but it's a lot of fun. The first point was of course inspired by,
B: And you're never to play violin music in my presense again.
J: I promise.
Generally, I like to pretend that He Who Must Not Be Named (aka Ethan fucking Gold) never happened, but I will admit that it makes for brilliant angst.
The third point is the one I like the most, me being half a B/M shipper and all. (I know, in this fandom you either ship B/J or B/M, but I don't care. I guess I'm not into mono-anything, sexually or otherwise.)
In other news, I'm hooked on this new (11 episodes so far) show, White Collar. Completely, unabashedly hooked. No going back. Neal/Peter is the best thing to happen to TV in a long time. (Even better? The fandom's main pairing is an OT3, Peter/Neal/Elizabeth. I love this show.)
Also, yesterday in English class, I was so bored that I was just sitting there doodling in my notebook. (I swear, I've reached a completely new level of boredom when it comes to that class. It's terrible.) When you teacher is going on about transitive verbs and you have a tendency to let your mind wander, it makes for interesting things to read once you regain focus. I swear I didn't realize what I was writing until I read it. No, seriously. My mind wandered, my pen moved without me realizing it, and this is what I ended up with:
the blue lights of the loft when they first met fading into the orange of latter days, the passing car lights and the neon signs of justin's new york apartment, and the flicker of the fireplace in an off-the-road tudor all meeting and flowing across the canvas of them - pictures of the life they had together, have together, will have one day. each kiss is a promise not to forget, even if time is only time, after all.
How funny is it that I didn't capitalize, but I did use periods, commas, apostrophes, hyphens and dashes? My mind is a strange place. This is also creepy, because I wasn't even thinking about QAF when I let my mind wander. My subconscious is obviously trying to tell me something.
I was going to wax something poetic about how QAF is branded into my soul, but on second thought...
let's go straight to number one
US vs UK:
I love Brian a hell of a lot more than I love Stuart (though I do love Stuart); I love Michael more, though Vince is much more of a sweetheart while Michael is kinda like a whiny little brother; love Justin much more, though I love Nathan a lot too; I don't really like Hazel, but I love Debbie; love Daphne way more than Donna, Emmett a lot more than Alexander, Ted way more than Phil, Vic more so than Bernie, Melanie more than Lisa, Lindsay way more than Romey, Jennifer so much more than Janice; and as for David and Cameron, I hate them equally.
I was going somewhere with this, I know I was...
Right. When I said that the UK version is somewhat more controversial, I meant that in the sense that they changed the ages in QAF US. Brian and Michael are still 29, but Justin is 17 whereas Nathan was 15. Also, Brian was 14 with the gym coach, while Stuart was 12. Still, I think QAF US made up for Justin's age with making him a lot more naïve than Nathan, so you could say that Brian took advantage of Justin more so than Stuart did of Nathan. (And this might just be me, but I'd say that they made up for the age difference in Brian/Stuart's tryst with the gym coach with making Brian a lot more vulnerable than Stuart.)
The biggest difference between QAF US and QAF UK, though, if you ask me, is that the heart and soul of the US version is Brian/Justin (Stuart/Nathan), while Stuart/Vince (Brian/Michael) is what makes QAF UK QAF UK. And how much do I love that? Seriously. Brian/Justin is my OTP, of course, it's untouchable and that's just that, but I have a very soft spot for Brian/Michael (Brian and Michael are way more dysfunctional than Stuart and Vince are, btw) any way I can get them, so to have two shows dedicated to my two OTPs? Is pretty much my definition of heaven.
(Also, RTD? You are such a fucking tease. You promised me a Vince/Stuart/Nathan threesome in S2E02! You did! And then you didn't follow through! Tease, I tell you. I don't have a lot of OT3s, but Vince/Stuart/Nathan is my OT3 for QAF UK, while Michael/Brian/Justin is my OT3 for QAF US. My OT3 in Heroes would be Nathan/Peter/Sylar--or possibly Nathan/Peter/Claire--, while in Oz it's Chris/Toby/Ryan. And--)
If I'm going to compare every scene it would take forever, so I'll only do a few.
S1E01, Brian first sees Justin vs Stuart first sees Nathan:
The moment when Brian catches a glance of Justin is perfect in every possible way. The music (Sandstorm by Darude), the directing, the coloring, the acting, how Brian just freezes, Justin's posture and face as he sees Brian looking then coming towards him, Michael's look as he watches and thinks, "That's when it happened - when he came along." It's much more ambiguous in the US version if it was love or lust at first sight, while in the UK version it was obvious that Stuart just caught a scent of fresh meat. Vince also thought "When he came along - the one-night-stand that wouldn't end" (quoted from memory) which for me again illustrates that Ron Cowen and Daniel Lipman knew from the beginning that they were going to make Brian/Justin the OTP of QAF US.
S1E01, Brian and Justin's first kiss vs Stuart and Nathan's first kiss:
Again, the Brian/Justin first kiss scene is perfect in every possible way (it's one of the best scenes on TV, for me--rates up there with Chris and Toby's first kiss; the truck slamming into the Impala; Nathan flying away with Peter, etc). The music (You Think You're a Man by Full Frontal), the directing (I fucking love how this show is directed), the acting, Brian's "So are you coming or going? Or coming and then going? Or coming and staying?" vs Stuart's "Are we doing this or not?" (quoted from memory). And then (and this is cheating, because it's not the first kiss scene, it's the first-time-they-have-sex scene), Brian's "I want you to always remember this, so that no matter who you're ever with, I'll always be there" vs Stuart rambling while he's high (something about a football team, I think). (Of course, that entire scene was probably the biggest clue for the UK version-watchers-that-started-watching-the US version that QAF US was going to be about Brian/Justin [Stuart/Nathan].)
S1E02, Brian telling Justin exactly what it was and was not, then watching as Justin drives away vs Stuart telling Nathan exactly what it was and was not, then watching as Nathan drives away:
Heartbreaking, but so perfect (again). The music (Sleep by Dandy Warhols--so perfect and so haunting and I can never hear that song without thinking of the look on Brian's face as Justin drives away), the acting, the coloring, Brian leaving a trick alone in his apartment and going out barefoot after Justin, Brian's monologuing and how it establishes his character so brilliantly. And you know what else is so perfect? In the UK version, you get to see Stuart going inside and telling the trick that it wasn't going to happen, while in the US version, you don't need to see that; the look on Brian's face tells you everything you need to know. And while it is possible that Brian fucked the trick, you know that if so, it was on principle, nothing else.
S1E04, Justin blows Brian in Michael's old room vs Stuart jerks Nathan off; Nathan blows Stuart:
How much do I love this scene? So perfect. The music (Straight To...Number One by Touch and Go--it gives the scene such a dreamlike quality), the acting, the coloring (the blue and twilight hues make not only for dreamlike quality that goes with the music, but it also invokes a sense of "us against the world" which feels so appropriate for this couple, then adding to that there's the standard meanings of alienation and wistfulness), the directing (sooo fucking perfect), the acting, Justin's "Waiting for you", the lyrics let's go straight to number one as Justin slides down to his knees, Michael's look as he realizes what Brian and Justin are doing up there. Now, the UK version of this scene is rather different. I like how Nathan stands there looking at those pictures while Stuart is standing behind him and Nathan is panting with all that sexual tension and then Stuart grabs him and turns him around. I do like that. Then there's the wanking and the blowjob. But...comparing these scenes, it doesn't get more obvious how different the characters and the pairings are. (And I'm not even talking about Brian gently holding Justin's head vs Stuart roughly fucking Nathan's mouth.) The Brian/Justin scene is so dreamlike and gentle and just so characteristic, while the Stuart/Nathan scene is raw and awkward and you get the feeling that they're horny and can't keep their hands off each other but it's is strictly physical, their secretive smiles notwithstanding. Also? The Brian/Justin scene was during the night, Stuart/Nathan during broad daylight. Don't know what to make of that, though I'm sure there's plenty of food for thought hidden there somewhere.
And this is just me trying to keep track of my thoughts. (I'll probably edit to make this more coherent at some point.) To sum it up, Queer as Folk UK is great and I love it a lot, but Queer as Folk US owns my heart and soul and is my safe haven.
ETA: Note to self: stay away from TWoP. You know it'll just depress you. They can make you hate anything. They're like the DLPers, without the coolness. Okay? So, they hate on QAF. Are you actually surprised? No? SO WHY DO YOU GO OVER THERE? Jeez, masochistic much? If you want meta, for fuck's sake, head over to LJ.
this is a fire door never leave open
First off: I'm not even going to touch the "gay in a bad way". Second: oooh my god enough of the "bisexuals have straight privileges" already! I get that enough from actual LGBTQ people. FYI, I hate passing. I hate it. I hate passing and I hate coming out, because I hate continuing to pass after I just came out. Jesus Christ on a fucking pogo stick! I can't come out of the closet, someone's wedged a chair under the goddamn handle.
Me: I'm bisexual, and -
Other person: No, you're not. / You're just confused. / You mean gay. (And having said that, I am still going to talk to you as if you're straight.) / You're only saying that because you're always looking for ways to make your life harder. / No, you're not, that's physically impossible for humans. / Have you prayed about this? / So you're an amoral hedonist. / You just haven't made up your mind. / It doesn't matter because it's not about ME.
Me: Uh, actually -
Second person: Why are we wasting time? We should talk about - blahblahblah straight privilege let me show you how you have it.
Me: *thinking* When the zombie revolution comes, they'll pass you over on account of how you have no brains.
Passing? Privilege? Aahahahahaha oh my god I could cry.
die young and save yourself
Also, S. and I were discussing Queer as Folk (again, and you should see J.'s face whenever we bring it up, which is about 20 times an hour), and she asked me why Brian is my favorite character. To quote David, she said, what is it with Brian Kinney? Sure, he's good looking, but so are a lot of guys.
I thought about that for a long while, then I said, "Brian's this primal, virile, predatory guy, and a very masculine one at that. He's not generally tender and compassionate, which is why it's so thrilling when the writing allows us to see the side of Brian that he usually represses. He's aware of his body and comfortable in his own skin even when he finds himself in an uncomfortable spot, and when he walks into a room, he commands attention with the simple lift of an eyebrow. He owns the place. When he leaves, he takes all the oxygen with him. It isn't just about his eyes and lips, despite the eroticism of those, and it's not just about the way he moves, or speaks, or how he makes you weak in the knees when he cocks his head a certain way: it's about being a heartbeat away from the sheer intensity of his next action or reaction, whether it's right or wrong. And you know, all this would be so easy to just blame on the actor, but like with Jensen Ackles, Gale Harold is not the character he plays. I've seen him in interviews and playing other characters, and it's not Gale Harold that makes me love Brian Kinney. As for the attributions I already mentioned, coupled with the fact that he has a great fashion sense, is cold as ice, has a Dorian Gray syndrome, and potrays a lot of features seen in an anti-hero, plus rejecting everything heteronormative, makes it easy to fall for him, if you ask me. And yet...it's not just all this. That's like saying I love Dean Winchester because he wears a leather jacket, drives a '69 black Impala, listens to classic rock, loves the ladies and lives for his little brother. That's just the surface of him, and the things I've mentioned are in some ways just the surface of Brian. Yeah, his energy has a lot to do with it, and physically he's close to perfection, and his attitude is like the love child of James Dean and Ayn Rand, like George said. But...it's so much more than that. It's how he is with Lindsay in the hospital in S1E01, his little-boy voice when he says, "Don't say that, Wendy! We'll never grow up!" and how he came out to his father, and how he looks at Justin at the end of S1E08, and how, despite the amoral front that is so easy to take for granted, he really is the most moral character on the show; and it's how he doesn't care only because he cares too much; it's how he doesn't apologize, doesn't regret, doesn't make excuses. It's because, love him or hate him, he is the character that people always respond to. It's the understated, almost anti-climatic resignation he shows when potraying his feelings and concern for Justin. It's how he lets go of Michael. It's how he doesn't mind giving Justin shit, but he'll be all over your case if you try the same thing. It's how he cries at the end of S1E09 and S1E22. It's the S1E17 ending scene with Justin. It's the way he loves his son. It's the look on his face when Justin says, "It was love to me" and how he kisses him. It's how he is such a drama queen, but he'll deny that with his last breath. It's the way he says, "Just because I fuck guys does not mean I'm part of some community and it doesn't mean I have anything in common with someone else who does." It's the way he's always chewing gum; his tousled bed hair; the way he always sticks his tongue in his cheek. It's how he deliberately forgets Ethan's name and calls him Ian instead. It's how he went from wanting to go out in a blazy of glory to being ready to give up everything for Justin, and it's how he says, "It doesn't matter. It's only time" in S5E13. And still this is just scratching the surface on my love for Brian Kinney."
So, okay, this monologue I didn't say out loud, but I thought it. What I did say was: "If I'm going to explain my love for Brian Kinney, we'll miss Math. And lunch. And History. Some other time."
old shoes (& picture postcards)
I'm making graphics and shit for S.'s birthday, and it's turning out good, tbh. Avoiding school assignments at the moment, like usual, and waiting for the new Supernatural ep to finish downloading (I swear I am so fucking close to giving up on that show, which sucks because I've watched it for such a long time).
we're not in kansas anymore
After, I asked him if the show was as good as he remembered, and he said yes. He can still surprise me!
(I'm waiting for the new Supernatural episode to download at the moment. Why do I dread it?)
feel my bisexual fury
I'm going to say this as simply as I can, Dad: stop with your fucking homophobic bullshit. I'm serious. I can't take it anymore. Do I have to write bisexual in big bold letters on my forehead for you to get the fucking point? Sometimes, I feel bad that I haven't outright told him; Mom has known for years and so has my friends, so why is it so hard to just fucking come out to him? I thought maybe you'd mellow with age, but no such luck.
In short: one more homophobic remark out of your mouth and I won't be responsible for my actions.
(In happier news, I watched Shelter last night, and omg it was just what I needed. Zach and Shaun were adorable, though I hated Zach's sister. Burnt Money is up next, and I know that I am going to fucking love it. Gah.)
this is the closest of calls
So. Today in class, S. and I were watching Queer as Folk and Oz vids on YouTube. Both are very graphic shows (come on, it's Showtime and HBO, what did you expect), and we were, you know, fangirling over Brian/Justin and Chris/Toby maybe just a bit loudly, and then suddenly our teacher was right behind us, and we didn't close down the tab in time, and the vid had just stopped on a (very graphic) sex scene between Brian and Justin. The look on her face, oh man, I was so fucking close to bursting out laughing (though it's a wonder we weren't banned from using the computers).
Seriously, though. I need a t-shirt that says "Fangirl: has been known to squee without warning - approach with caution" and maybe one that says "Yes, I'm one of those crazy fans they warned you about". I did actually find out that says "What would Brian Kinney do?" and I need it so bad. Like, really. No idea if they ship overseas, though.
this is the price you pay for loss of control
But I'll survive. I hope.
you're a tragedy starting to happen
between the tightrope and the abyss
Good news: my shows aren't depressing me anymore. I stayed away from TWoP, I read squee-inducing meta, squee-inducing fics, watched squee-inducing vids, and I focused on the positive things. (Yeah, I know, fucking miracle of the ages.) I can't do anything about the Smallville depression, because Smallville has been ruined beyond repair for a long, long time. As for Oz, all I needed to do was ignore Gloria and her storyline and focus on all the lovely plots and characters and slashy goodness. I'm ignoring Supernatural at the moment; all I do is watch cracky vids. Heroes, now, on the other hand...I'm sorry, Kring, but I'm gone. You lost me. I'll read short recaps, I'll live off of scraps of slash, but this show has almost reached Smallville level. Thank you for the very nice goodbye present, though:
Seriously, who takes photos of their brothers like this? (The flail-incuding, slashy, 'cesty, made-of-love ones, that's who. *loves*) And...is it just me or does Nathan look naked? *squees*
Still, while slashing things provides me with a happy distraction, the need for distraction is caused by the near total absence of canon gay couples.
How about an example that makes me rage:
I remember when Troy first came out. At the time, I was 11 years old and heavily involved with Ricean vampires, so I didn't much care. Later on, I remember explaining why I hated the movie: the bowdlerisation of the relationship between Achilles and Patroclus pissed me the fuck off. "Well, you can read between the lines!" a friend said. Yeah, I said, I could, but I shouldn't have to. Especially when I'm watching a movie about two characters who were THE paradigm of faithful lovers in Ancient Greek culture. There's even a passage in Plato's Symposium where Phaedrus makes an argument about which one of them was the erastes and which one the eromenos: probably the world's first recorded "who tops?" debate. Likewise, when Alexander the Great and his alleged lover Hephaestion passed through the city of Troy on their Asian campaign, Alexander honored the sacred tomb of Achilles and Patroclus in front of the entire army, and this was taken as a clear declaration of their own love (Aelian wrote that Hephaestion was a beloved of Alexander "in just the same way Patroclus was of Achilles"). (Fun fact: Diogenes of Sinope, in a letter written to Alexander, accuses Alexander of being "...ruled by Hephaestion's thighs.")
Anyway. I think I lost where I was going with this. Basically, we need more canon gay. I adore subtext, I live on subtext, but sooner or later us fangirls we'll starve to death if something revolutionary doesn't happen.
Now I'm off watching Angel and hating Whedon for killing off Doyle (the subtext was so evolving into text: "Okay, maybe I'm a little attracted" anyone? Why did he have to die? D:).
