melancholia

I'm going to say this as simply as I can, Dad: stop with your fucking homophobic bullshit. I'm serious. I can't take it anymore. Do I have to write bisexual in big bold letters on my forehead for you to get the fucking point? Sometimes, I feel bad that I haven't outright told him; Mom has known for years and so has my friends, so why is it so hard to just fucking come out to him? I thought maybe you'd mellow with age, but no such luck.

In short: one more homophobic remark out of your mouth and I won't be responsible for my actions.

(In happier news, I watched Shelter last night, and omg it was just what I needed. Zach and Shaun were adorable, though I hated Zach's sister. Burnt Money is up next, and I know that I am going to fucking love it. Gah.)

So. Today in class, S. and I were watching Queer as Folk and Oz vids on YouTube. Both are very graphic shows (come on, it's Showtime and HBO, what did you expect), and we were, you know, fangirling over Brian/Justin and Chris/Toby maybe just a bit loudly, and then suddenly our teacher was right behind us, and we didn't close down the tab in time, and the vid had just stopped on a (very graphic) sex scene between Brian and Justin. The look on her face, oh man, I was so fucking close to bursting out laughing (though it's a wonder we weren't banned from using the computers).

Seriously, though. I need a t-shirt that says "Fangirl: has been known to squee without warning - approach with caution" and maybe one that says "Yes, I'm one of those crazy fans they warned you about". I did actually find out that says "What would Brian Kinney do?" and I need it so bad. Like, really. No idea if they ship overseas, though.

Good news: my shows aren't depressing me anymore. I stayed away from TWoP, I read squee-inducing meta, squee-inducing fics, watched squee-inducing vids, and I focused on the positive things. (Yeah, I know, fucking miracle of the ages.) I can't do anything about the Smallville depression, because Smallville has been ruined beyond repair for a long, long time. As for Oz, all I needed to do was ignore Gloria and her storyline and focus on all the lovely plots and characters and slashy goodness. I'm ignoring Supernatural at the moment; all I do is watch cracky vids. Heroes, now, on the other hand...I'm sorry, Kring, but I'm gone. You lost me. I'll read short recaps, I'll live off of scraps of slash, but this show has almost reached Smallville level. Thank you for the very nice goodbye present, though:

Seriously, who takes photos of their brothers like this? (The flail-incuding, slashy, 'cesty, made-of-love ones, that's who. *loves*) And...is it just me or does Nathan look naked? *squees*

Still, while slashing things provides me with a happy distraction, the need for distraction is caused by the near total absence of canon gay couples.

How about an example that makes me rage:

I remember when Troy first came out. At the time, I was 11 years old and heavily involved with Ricean vampires, so I didn't much care. Later on, I remember explaining why I hated the movie: the bowdlerisation of the relationship between Achilles and Patroclus pissed me the fuck off. "Well, you can read between the lines!" a friend said. Yeah, I said, I could, but I shouldn't have to. Especially when I'm watching a movie about two characters who were THE paradigm of faithful lovers in Ancient Greek culture. There's even a passage in Plato's Symposium where Phaedrus makes an argument about which one of them was the erastes and which one the eromenos: probably the world's first recorded "who tops?" debate. Likewise, when Alexander the Great and his alleged lover Hephaestion passed through the city of Troy on their Asian campaign, Alexander honored the sacred tomb of Achilles and Patroclus in front of the entire army, and this was taken as a clear declaration of their own love (Aelian wrote that Hephaestion was a beloved of Alexander "in just the same way Patroclus was of Achilles"). (Fun fact: Diogenes of Sinope, in a letter written to Alexander, accuses Alexander of being "...ruled by Hephaestion's thighs.")

Anyway. I think I lost where I was going with this. Basically, we need more canon gay. I adore subtext, I live on subtext, but sooner or later us fangirls we'll starve to death if something revolutionary doesn't happen.

Now I'm off watching Angel and hating Whedon for killing off Doyle (the subtext was so evolving into text: "Okay, maybe I'm a little attracted" anyone? Why did he have to die? D:).